Ofcourse I don't know shit about fashion, I realise that. But what I tell you is common sense not the blabberings of 45 yr old fashion policing aunties who write for Vogue or whatever.
Agreed. I should run for President. I'm never wrong.Fashion Tip #1: Monkey/Stone washed jeans are for Monkeys and/or stoneheads.
These are perhaps the most hideous sight I have seen with the exception of Rakhi Sawant. And somehow even the big brands have fallen prey for this. Walk into Levis or whatever and they will show you the most horrible assortment of colours possible. But let's not blame the companies here, the only reason they make such shit is because there are people out there willing to buy these. I've seen green jeans which somehow fade into a red. I mean, I know I'm colourblind and all, but I'm not colourdumb! Ofcourse I won't forget the prints and embroidery. The back pockets somehow always have dragons and whatnot embroided on them. This makes me feel that someone has scribbled on their asses. Why would anyone want to give away this impression?
Fashion Tip #2: Sunglasses are for sunny days. Let's leave it that way.
How many times do I have to ignore Gogaals in the metro everyday? They're everywhere, hanging from pockets, fingers, collars, buttons, you name it. There are certain people that come to my mind, who I can't ever recollect without 'gogals'. In college, these people will have their 'glares' on all the time even though the corridors aren't sunny at all. Some even wear it in classes for crying out loud! And whatever happened to good ol' small sunglasses that could be passed off as being worn purely for utility reasons? They're huge now. Like HUGE. So huge, that they're bigger than people wearing them's faces. And why does everyone wants to emulate Paris Hilton now for some reason? Well, if you do, the next time I see you, I'll do exactly what I would do if I saw Miss. Hilton on the street. Run you over with my car, then backup and crush your skull for good measure.
Fashion Tip #3: Hairbands on guys, make them look gay.
Ofcourse I've seen Abhishek Bacchan wearing these. Just because he belongs to a snotty bollywood family makes the fact right? You'll all want to dress like him? Well, last I remember he was in a gay movie with another hairband wearing John Abraham. So why don't you guys start smooching your best buddies too while you're at it? Go on. Pucker up. Asswipes.
Fashion Tip #4: Stilettos to college? Go Fry Yourself.
Why on earth do girls wear these? They say they're horribly painful. They look like stilts. And give me hard-to-resist pangs to shove girls down the stairs. And to college? Are you frikkin insane?! Just wear damn normal shoes. And for once stop whining about them hurting so much. I didn't ask you to wear the shoes in the first place.
Fashion Tip #5: Propped up collars are for Douchebags.
'Nuff Said!
Fashion Tip #6: Socks and sandals together make no sense.Why do people do this? I fail to comprehend. If its so cold that you're forced to wear socks, then wear shoes pea-brain! Why would you be wearing sandals in the winter in the first place? And to make matters worse, they choose the most horrible socks to be displayed. Girls will pick pretty pink ones with 'Hello Kitty' drawn up on them. While guys will pick horribly towel-ly gym socks with brown stains on them. Bleh. Just shoot me. Or better still, them.
Fashion Tip #7: Belts/Ear-rings are not supposed to be bigger than your skull.
I kid you not when I tell you that once I saw this guy wearing a belt with little flickering lights on it reading the words "BAD BOY". It's a sight that etches itself in your head for the rest of your life, haunting you forever. But that's an extreme case, we see moderate cases with 5-pound belt buckles of the "NY YANKEES" all the time. I see no point in wearing a damn belt in the first place. Why have one that's so big? I'm surprised how these manage to hold the pants up instead of making them plummet under their weight.
Also to be mentioned is girls who wear ear-rings bigger than their skulls. There should be a law in place for such actions. When you try talking to them, somehow your eyes get transfixed on the earings. And everyone knows where guys stare when talking to girls. Sheesh. Distraction.
Fashion Tip #8: Pink = Gay/Girly. Get it through your skull.
Last but surely not least, Pink on guys. What is it with guys and pink? 4 year old girls who play with Barbies and Dolphins are the only ones who can carry off wearing pink. Guys somehow are hell bent to make it a fashion statement. At first I used to derive humour out of the situation I saw a guy wearing pink. But it's so common now that it's not even funny anymore. I've seen pink shirts with the message 'Only real men wear pink'. Really?! Then call me an 'un-real' man, but one with nuts to refuse to wear these feminine shirts. Thank you.
I think that society has finally come to it's collapse. As much as an optimimist as I like to call myself. I don't think I'll ever live to see the day that jeans will be blue once more, the fades naturally achieved, and girls; well, let's just forget it.
